Turning The Intensity Inward
The worst job I ever had been years ago. My supervisor felt my stagnance hard to ignore, and then impossible once he found me writing on the job. Scribbles, and notes mostly; lists even. Anything which kept me from becoming sluggish after a day of uninspiring data entry. Lists were a way of steering the day-to-day forward.
What I knew but wouldn’t admit to, was that every job I had would likely instill the same sort of anxiety, and that peace would only come once I was ready to sit in my own skin. Having thought the nasty habit of relying on the opinions of others to speak for my own was put to rest, I’ve proceeded throughout the last year or so to fall into restlessness. It has made those the closest to me uncomfortable and without words.
It was curious to me years ago how wonderful friends of mine could be satisfied with just what they had.
Accepting the limits of time, how fast it generally moves, neither for us or against us; this is a lesson I have to learn.
It’s a memory I am committed to growing from, the one that recalls me telling someone I love of my sadness, and responding to the reminder that I am equally loved and valued with a sunken stare.
There is so much strength in every living thing. At this point in time, I’m thinking the time of ingratitude has reached its end.
No matter the outcome of a given day, I intend to celebrate the fact that I’m still living it.
Its raining today. A man just delivered coffee on his bike. I apologized for him having to ride in this weather, and he just smiled and shrugged.
He said, “I’ll be home soon.”
What a wonderful outlook.
Smile
wonderful